Naruto Classics
by Sagoyuku
Summary: Our favourite stories rewritten in Naruto style. Please Read and Review!
1. A Very Neji Christmas

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY NARUTO CHARACTERS. I JUST OWN THE PLOT.

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**Naruto Classics**

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A Very Neji Christmas

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Ah, the glory of Christmas Eve! Every house, every building, every training ground in Konoha was booming with activities. Everybody was looking forward to celebrating the season at home. Except a single person who sat at the window of his room, who was thinking of the conversation he had the day before.

………………………………………

"_Christmas?" asked Neji, dumbfound._

"_OF COURSE! THAT IS THE PROPER WAY TO CELEBRATE YOUR YOUTHFULNESS!" Cried Lee. His eyeballs turned into flames and started to burn so much that Neji had to look away. "AND SO I WILL BE HOLDING THE ULTIMATE CHRISTAMAS PARTY TONIGHT!"_

"_I'LL BE THERE!" shouted Gai._

"_GAI!"_

"_LEE!"_

"_GAI!"_

"_LEE!"_

_With that, two ninjas ran off toward the sunset. AT 2 AM._

……………………………………

Of course, Neji was not attending the Christmas party. Think about, why would he? He'd just spoil the fun anyway. So, dismissing the idea of showing up for the party quickly, Neji jumped up and did the summersault in the air, and then landed perfectly on his bed. Which; for your information, was white, because he's LAME.

……………………………………

At 2 A.M Neji woke up to the most disturbing sight: a sunset. While he was all like "What the-" a person's face showed up by his window. Or half a face, anyway.

"Kakashi? What are you doing here?" asked Neji, opening the window.

"Hi. Uh……" Kakashi leaned to the left and seemed to whisper something like "What am I supposed to say again?"

"Oh right!" The jounin composed himself again and stood up straight. "I am not Kakashi. I am the ghost of the present!" he said in a spooky voice similar to the ones in the Haunted Mansion at the fair.

"Riiiiiiiiigggghhhttt." Neji rolled his eyes and shut the window. AT THE SAME TIME. Then he went back to bed. Soon however, he was woken again by the sound of the Chidori blasting his window into smithereens. Neji just stared and then started patching the window up, not before letting Kakashi drag him outside.

"I, the ghost of the past will show you your Christmas past you have forgotten." Kakashi said in that same scary Haunted Mountain voice. Neji just stood there and was all like: "No. You broke my only window. There's no way I'm going to let you drag me somewhere."

So Kakashi tried again. "I, the ghost of the past will show you your past you have forgotten."

Then in a hushed voice he whispered. "If you don't I will have to force you to by all means……." This gave Neji the creeps and he ran alongside Kakashi.

After running quite a distance, the two stopped.

"YES! The new series is out!" Kakashi exclaimed and ran into a book store. Five cold minutes passed outside as Neji waited in the cold. A chilly breeze went by.

"Okay, I'm done. Let's go." The jounin stated happily and started running again…. HOLDING A PINK SHOPPING BAG.

_Whoa…. I did NOT just see Kakashi holding a pink shopping bag. _Neji thought to himself, trying to shake the horrible image off. Too bad. The image stuck like glue.

The duo were running quite quickly now and suddenly Kakashi yelled:

"It's Christmas! Let's celebrate with grill!"

So the two ninja stopped and ate miso soup and lots of other stuff.

It was quite good, and soon Kakashi and Neji were stuffed with food.

"Ahh. That's better. Come on, we have to be quick." said Kakashi as he took off running again.

After some more, the two stopped AGAIN. _What now? This better not be stupid. _Thought Neji as he stopped too. They just stood there for a long, long time.

"There. Five minutes is up. You can go home now." Said Kakashi. And then he disappeared in a puff of smoke. (The oh-so-great Poofy no Jutsu.)

"WHAT!" Neji yelled, outraged and offended. "YOU DRAG ME OUT TO NOWHERE JUST SO YOU COULD SAY FIVE MINUTES IS UP AND THAT I COULD GO HOME!"

"Yup." Said a voice that seemed to come out of nowhere. Of course, he being Neji, used the Byakugan to locate Kakashi and spent an hour chasing and tracking him down, finally giving him the punishment he so much deserved. After annoying Neji, shattering Neji's window, dragging him somewhere to buy the newest series of Icha Icha Paradise, forcing him to celebrate Christmas with grill (Neji actually enjoyed it, but he won't tell anyone), outraging Neji AND offending him, you can imagine what kind of punishment it was. Oh yes, Kakashi was hospitalized for 7 months.

………………………...

After he went home and successfully repaired the window, Neji sat down on his bed, trying to sleep. Soon however, he was woken up by another window being blown up. This time the Rasengan was involved.

"Naruto….." Neji whispered in a deadly tone.

"Ramen!" was the answer the blonde gave him. After looking confused for a minute, Naruto cleared his throat, leaned to the left and seemed to murmur something like "What am I supposed to say again?"

"Oh! Got it!" the blonde then cleared his throat again and said "I am not Naruto. I am the ghost of the Christmas past! I have come to show you what you are missing out on!" Naru- I mean, the ghost of the Christmas past said, using that scary, spooky voice similar to the ones in the Haunted Mansion that Kakashi used. Of course, Neji was not scared at all. He was ANGRY. I mean, how many times a day are you going to get your window broken?

"Naruto…. you. are. so. dead." He whispered. And that was the last thing Naruto remembered, as Neji kicked all the way to the next chapter.

………………………………..

After removing his bandages and rewrapping them, Neji was set to fix his window again. Then he sat down and SLOWLY started fixing his window. Before long, he was done and back on his bed.

And guess what? What happened next was what should NOT have happened: The window broke once more. _I need insurance._ Thought Neji, as his slowly and PAINFULLY picked the shards of the window up and faced a person with a dark hood.

"I AM THE GHOST OF THE CHRISTMAS YET TO COME!" said a strangely familiar voice.

"Tenten, I know that's you. Take off that mask."

"Uhhh……"

"Do it."

"Okay." It took Tenten a few seconds to process the information on what just happened. When it finally hit home, she yelled:" Are you telling me that this Darth Vader mask is DEFECTIVE? I want a REFUND." Tenten took of her Darth Vader mask and dropped it to the ground, breaking a few floorboards. Then she stomped on it, breaking a few more floorboards. _I need insurance for the floorboards too._ Neji thought.

"I want you to answer me …… whose idea was it?"

"Uhhh……what do you mean?" Tenten chuckled, but you could tell it was forced.

"Was it Lee?"

"Urmmm……."

Neji sighed and slapped his forehead. Then he grabbed Tenten's arm and threw her into a nearby tree. And just so you know, Tenten was LUCKY. If she had been anybody OTHER than Tenten and Neji's teammate, she would have been thrown across the world.

After Tenten was securely jammed in the tree Neji turned back to the window, sat down, and applied for insurance.

…………………………………….

It was Christmas day, and what is this? Not a sound in the neighborhood! But what's this? Joy! A celebrating party!

"Lee, do you think we over-did it?" asked Gai.

"I do have that feeling…. Besides, it WAS Neji we were dealing with." Answered Lee.

"Nah. I bet he'll just forget about it." Decided Gai.

"You're so smart Gai-sensei!" cried Lee, tears streaming down his face.

"LEE!"

"GAI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI!"

"LEE!"

The happy duo sauntered off to the sunset.

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The Konoha Hospital was very busy. They had many deeply injured patients. Why is that? Well, after the events during the night, Neji went on a raging warpath, destroying everybody he could get his hands on... which was everyone except Lee and Gai, who were safely by the sunset. And so, Tenten, Kakashi, Asuma, Kurenai, Tsunade, Shizune, Iruka, Shino, Hinata, Kiba, Sakura, Sai, Sasuke (who came back just in time to be punished), Itachi (who was being chased by Sasuke), Tonton, Jiraiya, Gaara (who wasn't hurt all, but decided to be there for the sake of it), Kankuro (he was here because Shino burnt him to a crisp), Temari, Haku (who was revived)…. I could go on, but that would take forever. So basically, everyone that showed up in Naruto, dead or alive, was punished by Neji…. Except Lee and Gai. Oh yeah, Naruto wasn't in the hospital. Why? Because he got blasted to the next chapter you silly goose! Didn't you read?

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Author's Note: Yay! I'm finally done! Read and Review please! I think I'm going to make the next chapter based on what the reviewers come up with. So get over there and help me decide which story to tackle next! If nobody reviews, then I'll go and make the rewritten version of "The Three Little Pigs".


	2. The Woodcutter

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY NARUTO CHARACTERS. I JUST OWN THE PLOT.

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**Naruto Classics**

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The Woodcutter

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Shikamaru woke one bright morning to the sound of his brother's waking up. He quickly got dressed and ran downstairs to eat breakfast. There he found his siblings already getting ready to go out and do their woodcutting duties. Shikamaru had 5 brothers and 2 sisters, making a total of 7 siblings, plus him, would equal eight. _"What a troublesome family." _He thought as he grabbed a lemon doughnut and ran off to the woodcutting site. Tenten was already there, hacking down the trees like a person from Dr. Sue's books. Shikamaru's brother Neji was there too, using his MAD fighting skillz to chop trees down 10 at a time. You could see that he was aiming the trees so they fell near his cousin Hinata's work area and were nearly crushing her. As each tree fell, you could almost hear Neji whisper a chant that went something like this "The Branch house member crushed the Main house member. The Branch house member crushed the Main house member. The Branch house member crushed the Main house member. The branch house member crushed the main house……" What was HIS problem? Anyway, Shikamaru set to the tedious troublesome work of chopping wood.

…………………………………….

"Okay people, break time!" yelled Sasuke as the siblings split up. Except Lee, who was shouting madly.

"I WILL NOT STOP! I MUST GO ON AND BE YOUTHFUL!" he cried, smashing a nearby tree into a trillion pieces with his MAD taijutsu skills.

"GOOD WORK LEE! THAT'S WHAT I LIKE TO HEAR!" Gai appeared out of nowhere and jumped on Lee.

"GAI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI!"

With that the two skipped off to have lunch. Somewhere near the sunset.

"I wish I could have lunch like that." Said Naruto. He missed him ramen eating days.

"Me too." Agreed all those that wished to have lunch near the sunset. And it was only one person….. SHINO! Chouji? Nah, he isn't that weird. He isn't even Shikamaru's brother. He was his best friend.

"Let's go to McDonalds." Suggested Kiba.

"ALRIGHT!" everyone jumped up and punched the air. HARD. In fact, they punched the air so hard that a passing bird got shot. HARD. But nobody paid attention and just ran off. Well, almost everybody.

Shikamaru turned around to see Chouji stare at the bird for along, LONG time.

"Poor birdie.' Said Chouji sadly as he picked it up and dragged it to Macdonalds.

………………………………….

"I WANT PEPPERONI PIZZA!" yelled Kiba. The team was sitting at the counter at Macdonalds.

"Me too!" cried Naruto.

Everyone was silent for a long, LONG time.

"You do know that McDonalds doesn't sell pepperoni pizza right?" asked Tenten nervously.

"OF COURSE NOT!" the two answered.

Everybody was all like : ………

And Kiba and Naruto were all like???

Shino was all like: I WANT TO EAT LUNCH AT THE SUNSET.

While Tenten was all like: Grrrrr

And Kiba and Naruto were all like: gulp.

Shikamaru was all like: This is troublesome.

Chouji was all like: Poor, poor bird. It's - Hey! Is that PEPPERONI PIZZA?

So Neji was all like: twitch twitch _must. stab. Hinata. _twitch

While Hinata be all like: Save me! HELP!

Sasuke was all like: _must. kill. Itachi._

And somewhere in his hidden lair of pink cotton candy and stuff Itachi was all like: _I feel shivers up my spine Save me! HELP!…… _then he sneezed.

Somewhere in his hidden lair of pink stuff and cotton candy (It's different from Itachi's because the "stuff" is first, then the cotton candy, so he's not copying Itachi.) Kisame heard Itachi sneezing. _Somebody must be spreading a rumor about Itachi-san. I must go and kill them immediately. _Thought Kisame, and he ran off.

Back at McDonalds, the siblings were arguing about whether there was pepperoni pizza available for lunch. They argued for a long, LONG, **LONG **time, making them miss lunch.

Halfway through the long, LONG, **LONG **argument Shikamaru decided it was all too troublesome for him and he started to slip away to stare at the clouds. Then he decided that staring at clouds were too troublesome too so he went to sleep.

…………………………………….

Pretty soon Shikamaru woke up. When he did he realized he slept overtime, and it was already the next day (he could tell the time with his super watch that came with the happy meal for MacDonalds.) _Ah this is troublesome. _He thought. Shikamaru sat up and saw a conveniently placed axe. He picked it up and swung up and chopped off the top of a conveniently placed tree. The conveniently placed tree broke in half onto a conveniently placed truck, which drove away. _Ahh! Why is everything so "conveniently placed"! _Thought Shikamaru. It was starting to freak him out. Really. He turned around and saw a conveniently placed golden goose. _The HORROR!_ Shikamaru freaked out. He ran screaming like a psycho and accidentally bumped into Kisame.

"YOU.' The shark shouted.

Shikamaru didn't answer, just continued to be freaked out and ran away. Good thing too, because Kisame was about to inflict large punishment on him. As he was getting angry that he let Shikamaru get away, Kisame met up with Kankuro. So he decided to take his anger out on him instead. The conversation went like this:

"YOU!"

"AHHHHHH! It's Kisame!"

"YOU WERE SPREADING RUMORS ABOUT ITACHI, WEREN'T YOU?"

"Rumors? I don't' know what you're talking abou-"

"DON'T LIE! I KNOW YOU DID IT, AND NOW YOU SHALL PAY."

The shark raised his GIGANTIC sword, and was about to kill Kankuro, who was about to die, if it hadn't been for a few good things.

The first good thing was a conveniently placed rock made Kisame trip and fall behind Hinata. Another good thing was that Neji was doing his mad tree chopping skillz, trying to hit Hinata. The other good thing was that the tree didn't hit Hinata but hit Kisame instead. And so it was a good thing Kisame was squished by Neji's falling trees that were aimed at Hinata so he couldn't kill Kankuro. Ouch. That was a long run on sentence.

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Somewhere far, far, away from the chaos there sat a princess. Actually, there were two princesses. One was princess Ino, who had long blonde hair and was admired all around the kingdom. The other princess was pink haired, and had green eyes that were so vivid and made even the most beautiful beauty queens were jealous. At a distance, the rulers were differed in every way, but the only thing that made them connected was that they never laughed. Not even a smile. The Queen was unhappy about this, so she made it that whoever made them laugh would get a reward. ANY reward.

One day the two princesses sat outside on a conveniently placed patio, watching the conveniently placed kingdom from below when all of the sudden the queerest thing happened.

First there was a boy with a dog who ran by, who was being followed by a blonde boy with whiskers, who was being followed by an angry girl with a wacky hairstyle. The girl seemed to be yelling: "THERE ISN'T ANY PEPPERONI PIZZA SERVED AT MACDONALDS!" and the reply she got was "OF COURSE THERE IS!" thereafter which followed more chasing.

In the next scene was chasing a girl with white eyes who was screaming "DON'T KILL ME!" who was being chased by a boy with similar eyes that held a MEGAHUGE sword in his hands and a really, REALLY large maniacal grin spread across his face. Like a horror movie clown. This gave the two watchers the shivers. Especially since they noticed the sword was Kisame's.

The third scene consisted of a crazed maniac who was screaming "WHY IS EVERYTHING SO CONVEINIENTLY PLACED! AHHHHHHHHHH!" who was followed by a person dragging a dead bird, which made a PLOP sound when it hit the ground.

The final scene was just one person who was all like: ……………..

At this point the girls burst out laughing. The conveniently placed Queen saw this and she tracked the mob down, explaining about the girls and that they get to choose a reward. ANY reward.

The group thought very hard, each one having their own wishes, but before anybody could say anything, Kiba shouted: "WE WANT PEPPERONI PIZZA TO BE SERVED AT MACDONALDS!"

"So it shall be." Said the Queen. She snapped her finger and pointed her toes and said "I want to go home." Then the mob were transported to MacDonalds and everybody had a healthy piece of perpperoni pizza.

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Author's Note: 'Kay, the second chapter is out! It kindsa sucked, but my inspiration juices are drying out! Just for your information, here's who's who.

………

Shikamaru's Brothers:

Shino, Neji, Sasuke, Kiba (and techinically, Itachi).

……….

Shikamaru's Sisters:

Tenten, Hinata

……….

Friends/ Co-workers

Naruto (friend of Kiba.), Chouji (Shikamaru's friend.), and Lee (co-worker.)

……….

Royalty

Ino, Sakura, Hokage: Tsunade (the Queen.)

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**AND BIG THANKS TO THESE PEOPLE FOR REVIEWING.**

(- indicates my response.)

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**Uchiha-not-'fan'-but-'Inside Blade'-Arashi**:

Heheh... it was very good. Except Naruto broke "another window" when Neji had already complained that Kakashi broke his only window.

Aw... I was going to do "Three Little Pigs". Um... could you do... "Sleeping Beauty" or something? Or um... Disney... hm... "Cinderella". "Princess and the Pea". "The Glass Hill".

- YAY! A review! Okay, as you can see, I did a rewritten "The Golden Goose." instead of the three little pigs. Thanks for reviewing!

**2stupid**:

XD THAT WAS AWESOME!

- First seen review! Or maybe it was the other one. I don't know. ANYWAY, THANKS FOR REVIEWING!

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Pah! That's all! I want to try and have at least 5 reviews before I issue the next chapter.


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